Deployment

With my husband on deployment, it gets a little rough coming home to and empty place.

I prepared myself a few weeks before he left to see what it would be like on my own. When he left for work and leaned over the bed to kiss me goodbye I paid attention to the feeling I got when I he went out the door: the locking of the door; the sounds of his footsteps as he walked to the car; the starting of the engine. All were profound.

Then I focused in on that sunken feeling. It was slight, but enough to know what it would be like when he was away.

When I couldn't hear the sound of the car anymore, the room seemed to get darker, quieter. Our home was different. An occupant of two now enclosed one person. Our home isn't used to that. I'm not used to that.

I closed my eyes and went back to sleep.

I countdown the days he's gone and anticipate his return. That's a given. I want him home, but at the same time I'm happy for him--for us.

We both are now employed and it feels wonderful to have a job that I really like. I'm not the unemployed wife anymore. I'm a wife and a preschool teacher. I can contribute to something instead of feel useless. If it wasn't for the preschool it would have been difficult to force myself out of bed and out the door.

Still, I wake up to a pillow on the left side of the bed instead of my husband. It won't be long until he is back again for me to reach out to and hold.